Selling Your Home Yourself - Part 2: Know thy Area/Community

Tip 10: Good schools?  But of course!

Think about what’s special about your community, then conjure up an ad that might attract say, a young couple with school-age children.  Find out how many private and public schools there are, and how near are they to your house. 

Many times, good schools are the deal clinchers.  For young families, schools are a top priority.  If the schools in your community have won awards from the private and public sector, or if you hear about any achievements, mention them to your buyers.

Tip 11: It’s the fitness thing, you know.

Do an inventory of your community’s attractions.  How many parks, tennis courts are there?  Is there a YMCA?   All these facilities play a major role in the decision to buy, especially if the husband or wife is a fitness freak.

Tip 12: And what about concerts and that kind of thing?

Don’t overlook the entertainment factor:  how many restaurants and movie theaters does your area have?  What about concert halls and other cultural activities?  Young couples, especially those with no children, like to eat out often. 

They also want the assurance that if they don’t feel like entertaining friends for dinner at home, they can go for a concert or a show to spend a relaxing weekend.  A very cultural community filled with activities is a huge factor, not only for them, but also for their children.

Tip 13: Will I fit in the area?

The ethnic factor:  if your area has a strong multi-cultural presence, this might be an attraction for newly arrived immigrants in search of a house.  The feeling of wanting to feel “at home” is a strong motivator.  You may think it a trivial matter, but buyers do ask if there’s a sushi restaurant in the area, or if there are any Jewish Synagogues nearby. 

Are there meeting places where members of ethnic communities can mingle and share views, cuisine and stores about “back home”?

Tip 14: Is there a doctor in the house?

Does your area have a good hospital?  What makes that hospital a plus factor?  Families that have aging in-laws in tow would like to know if they can get medical help immediately in case of an emergency. 

Also, if your local area hospital is known for a particular specialization make sure you let your buyers know.

Tip 15: How is the transportation system?

How far are the major highways from your house?  Where is the next largest city?  How developed is your area’s public transportation system?  Proximity to a subway station is typically seen by many as a benefit because downtown parking is expensive.  This constitutes a great advantage also for teenaged children who attend university downtown.

Tip 16: No gossiping allowed!

Are you in friendly terms with your neighbors?  If you’re selling a condo or a duplex, the next owners are usually curious about what kind of neighbors live in the same enclave. 

Show your neighborliness, but don’t gossip about the neighbor on your right.  Chances are prospective buyers are only interested if the neighbors are quiet or rowdy.  They’re not interested in your neighbor’s alcohol problem.

Tip 17: Help, my car’s been snowed in!

How efficient are your city’s services?  Does the area have enough firemen, snow removal trucks, and garbage collection systems?  What about facilities for recycling waste material?

 The more you know about your community’s services, the better you can capitalize on these selling points. 

If either the wife or husband has had a hip fracture, efficient snow clearing by the municipal government is reassuring.  Not many cities can say that their snow is cleared on time.

Tip 18:  Cavities?

Is the city water fluoridated?  You’ll be amazed at how some parents make a big deal of this.  Studies have revealed that cities where the water has been fluoridated have a lower incidence of tooth decay among school-age children. 

Perhaps this looks like a minor detail to you, but remember, the intelligent buyer is taking a thorough inventory of the community and its services.

Continue to: Part 3: Know thy Abode

Selling Your Home Yourself - Part 1: Knowledge is Power

Tip 1: Before anything else, grab a powerhouse of knowledge.

If you’ve decided to dispense with a real estate agent to avoid paying those ridiculous commissions, then start thinking like one. 

How?  Three to six months before your target sale, bone up on home selling strategies.  If you have friends or colleagues who’ve worked in real estate, talk to them, but don’t tell them you’re thinking of your selling your house so they won’t try to convince you to do otherwise. 

Ask them about mistakes they’ve made or mistakes that their relatives and friends have made.  Survey the entire landscape.  Personal experiences are always an excellent source of knowledge and strategies.

Tip 2: Be a listener, and be a GOOD one

Hold casual conversations with at least 3 real estate agents who work in the area where your house is located.  Be attentive to what they say about location.  It’s helpful to know how much your civic address is worth. 

While location is the predominant argument in real estate, this rule may not always apply.  Perhaps location is the least of your potential buyer’s worries.  Don’t overlook the fact that buyers have typical and unusual reasons for buying a house.  Many have jumped into the arena of investment property. 

While most people buy houses so they can live in it, there are those who like to play the market and want to make a killing.  Sell your house with an open mind.  Don’t let the factor of location discourage you, or encourage you too much.

Tip 3: Basic rule:  don’t get locked out of the market because you’ve overpriced your house!

Continue building up on that knowledge base:  make it a daily habit of reading real estate ads everyday.  Get the average selling price of a house identical to yours. 

If you have the luxury of time, you may even want to drive around these houses for sale and judge for yourself whether or not the price they’re asking is justified. 

Some homeowners have illusions as to what their houses cost.  Is the price they ask reasonable, or way out of proportion to the looks and location of the property?

Tip 4: What are the ads saying? 

Get a feel of how real estate ads are worded. 

·        What are the key words and phrases? 

·        What ads caught your attention? 

·        Why? 

·        Does the ad sound credible? 

·        Does the ad provide adequate information to provoke interest, or does it leave the reader indifferent? 

Use these ads as a model for your own.

Tip 5: Play detective

Do a bit of detective work:  try to keep track of real estate ads that appear only a couple of days (house could have been sold in just a matter of days) and ads that seem to be in the paper forever (why can’t the advertiser sell?  What’s preventing him from selling?)  This is where wording might clue you into the reasons.

Tip 6: Read and devour all that you can!

Build up some more on your knowledge power by visiting your local library, and browsing through books and magazines about real estate in general (and selling homes in particular). 

Be on the alert for people who’ve written about their personal experiences in selling their homes.  Being well-informed is still your best weapon.
  

Tip 7: Realistically speaking, my house is really worth…

Set realistic goals: if houses like yours in your area are asking for $250,000.00, don’t think you could make a lot more just because you have a rose garden and your neighbor doesn’t. 

Deviating too much from the mainstream can work against you.  Don’t stop buyers from calling you because your price is way too much the average prices for your area.

Tip 8: Play the real estate game seriously. 

Bear in mind that the “no risk, no gain” philosophy may not always work in real estate.  Real estate is a smart, serious business.  It’s better to have brains than guts!  Feed your brain with information you will need when you finally do sell your house.   Real estate information is not a scarcity.  There are thousands of web sites dedicated to real estate.  And the library holds a wealth of information on the subject.

Tip 9: Get only enough to get you started

Too much analysis leads to paralysis.  Arm yourself with adequate knowledge and then get moving!  Don’t let fear or over-confidence immobilize you.  If you want to sell your house successfully, fear has no place in the grand scheme of things, nor does arrogance.

Continue to: Part 2: Know thy Area/Community

Selling Your Home Yourself - Introduction

So….you’d like to sell your house? Great! Everyone’s doing it.  But this is your first time and you’ll be doing the sale yourself.  Nervous?  Of course!

The fact is, it’s only unnerving because you haven’t got a clue about the dynamics of selling a house – your house.  It’s the one asset you have where you’ve plunked down your lifetime savings.  Now you want it all back! 

That equity you were slowly building over these years will come back to you a hundredfold because you’ve thought about it long enough to realize that there is a handsome profit waiting to be made. 

   

Don’t worry!  This episode in your life doesn’t need to be a drama of horrors.  In this book, we’ve collected important tips for you – the first timer - all 101 of them, in fact. 

And when that check finally lands on your hands and the last box has been shipped out of your house to make way for the new owners, it will be exhilarating – more exhilarating than you’ve ever imagined it to be.

   

Study the tips.  Some you already know, no doubt.  But even with 101 or 1001 tips, you’d still need professional advice – you managed to eliminate the real estate agent, but you’ll still need your lawyer (or notary) and your accountant. 

You need to consult with other professionals as well – like the professional house inspector who can dish out valuable advice about repairs and maintenance. 

These tips can help you map out a selling strategy for your house, and when you turn the lock for the last time, you’ll come out of the experience wiser.  And yes, wealthier, too.

   

The confidence you gain by getting your feet wet the first time could – who knows? – make you want to do it the second time, and then a third time…and more!

Continue to: Part 1: Knowledge is Power

Avoiding Procrastination - Part 9: Conclusion

We could come up with a second batch of 101 tips to get you out of your inertia, but if you don’t at least try five out of the 101 tips we’ve just shared with you, you’ll never be in control of your own time.  You certainly are not expected to execute on all 101 tips.  That would be an impossible mission, too tall an order, and downright an unrealistic goal.

Lester R. Bittel in his book, “Right on Time” (McGrawHill, 1991) calls procrastination an insidious temptation that plagues all of us.  What may appear to be harmless procrastination can turn harmful - if done to excess. 

Procrastination means losing precious time, wasting valuable resources and missing life’s golden opportunities.

Mastering your time and optimizing your resources are excellent remedies for procrastination.  But they’re not miracle cures, nor are they instant therapies.  Only you can manage the absence of productivity in your life. 

You can surround yourself with experts who excel at multi-tasking, time management and all these nice-sounding principles emanating from the Harvard School of Management, but if you don’t act on their advice, procrastination will not disappear – ever. 

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.  That sounds almost biblical, but it rings true when we’re talking about Bittel’s “insidious temptation.”

An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.  If you just keep thinking things out without doing, then you’re only cheating yourself.  The doing is the most important.  For it is in the doing that you produce results you want. 

It is in the doing that you discover hidden sources of your creativity.  It is in the doing that you gain momentum.  It is in the doing that you become a refined problem-solver.  And the more you do, the quicker you become. 

You have the means – 101 tips – to banish the devil forever.  Let him play his tricks in someone else’s workshop.  Once you’ve learned not to procrastinate in most aspects of your daily life, success is only a step away.

“If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” 

Thomas Edison’s words, not ours :)

Avoiding Procrastination - Part 8: Bonus tips

This section contains your bonus tips.  Some you can use, some are not relevant to you.  There’s no logical order to these tips, but at least this is a bonus that is tax free!

Your morning paper is divided into sections, and each section caters to the needs and expectations of specific family members. 

The news and business sections will be the sections for good old dad, cooking and arts section for mom, fashion for the young teen in the household and international politics for the budding intellectual junior. 

Let’s use these sections to serve as the springboards for your bonus tips:  headlines, business, health, fashion, cuisine, environment, real estate, and readers’ turn to write. 

We repeat, there’s no logic here, only a method to the madness.  Refer back to them from time to time, when you feel your life is spiraling down into madness and chaos.  And don’t forget your mantra!

Tip # 86  Headlines – just doing my duty to the country

If your leaders are pondering war and your beliefs go the other way, write your congressman a note – it doesn’t have to be a flawlessly written letter.  Urge him not to sign any legislation that hints at the country taking up arms.  Suggest negotiation instead of confrontation, diplomacy in place of ultimatums, peace, not war.  This way, you’ve done your civic duty, and you’re not procrastinating about potentially saving a beautiful country.

Tip # 87  Headlines – they’re changing Medicare laws again

Quick, take pen and paper and send off another note.  If the changes in your country’s health care act will affect you adversely, don’t wait for others to take up arms.  Be among the first to protest.  If thousands – or millions – do the same thing and it’s an election year – these letters might just change your leaders’ stance.  Would you rather procrastinate than pay a 25% increase in your yearly drug bill?

Tip # 88  Business – cut your losses

If you haven’t learned from the Nortel fiasco, don’t wait until the next major stock in your portfolio turns into another Nortel – or Enron – or Worldcom.  You know what happened to the small investor – he thought the stock, being a blue chip, might pick up momentum again. 

Well, it started as a lackluster stock, and then it became sluggish, finally becoming a junk stock.  There were millions of procrastinators waiting around for the stock market to do a 360 degree turn.

Money theorists agree.  It’ll be awhile before we see another spectacular performance like the one we jubilated over on the eve of the millennium.  Everyone felt rich when 2000 rolled around.  A lot of them are now in debt.

Tip # 89  Business – ask a financial planner to help you out

Your local banker would be more than willing to refer you to one of the bank’s in-house financial planners.  If you’ve fared poorly with finances, or want to have a better grasp of money matters, a financial planner could be a life saver.  Sit down with your planner:  tell him how you owe, how much you want to save for retirement, what assets and liabilities are on your books - he’ll do the rest.

Tip # 90     Health – overbooked agenda making you procrastinate again?

Keep it simple.  If you have too much to do, what hours are left for your health and fitness goals?  Are you using your overbooked agenda as another excuse not to go to the gym or take that tennis lesson package your husband gave you for your birthday? 

If you procrastinate further, 5 pounds will become 10, then 15, and it gets harder as you add more pounds.  It’s much, much harder to shed those pounds when you get to 30 pounds overweight.  Tackle the weight issue while the pound gain is still minimal and manageable.

Tip # 91    Health – that newly-opened Pilates center might be worth a visit.

“Bah…it’s just a fad, it’ll go away when a new exercise routine is invented.”  We detect a hint of procrastination in this statement.  Even if it’s just a fad, at least it’s a healthy fad.  Hop into the car and check it out.  Most clubs will let you try out a week of free membership.  You may not know it, but Pilates is producing stronger backs and more solid core muscles, and turning people into happy, pain-free individuals.  Why hesitate?  What have you got to lose?

Tip # 92  Fashion:  calling all young entrepreneurs

You spotted this tiny item in the fashion section about a boutique downtown that’s searching for talent.  “If you’ve got pieces of jewelry you want to sell, we’d be happy to take a look.”

You’ve had these necklaces and other trinkets gathering dust somewhere.  Once upon a time you were proud of them but were too shy to show them to friends and family.  The boutique’s description of the kind of hand-crafted jewelry they’re looking for sounds like it was tailor-made for you. 

Don’t hesitate!  Those tiny beads and miniature semi-precious stones could be your ticket to a bigger, dazzling world of fashion and entrepreneurship.

Tip # 93  Fashion:  drab, boring hairstyle?

Hate your hair?  How about a visit to a salon near you?  You’ll be amazed at the number of miracle workers they have on site.  And the range of hair products these days is incredible.  Remember that cliché about hair being your crowning glory?  Corny, but true.  Give your hair the care it deserves.  As the optimists love to say, “You never know whom you’ll meet.”

Tip # 94  Cuisine:  win his heart back

You might be taking a risk with new, sexy underwear.  Why don’t you follow the oldie but goodie rule:  win his heart through his stomach. 

Even your friends say they won’t eat what you cook.  Admit it’s your major failing and take cooking lessons at your community’s recreational center.  A new hobby is food for the soul, a drug-free stimulant for the mind.  When you graduate from the course – kudos to you for not procrastinating – you may just bring the old lover back.

Tip # 95  Cuisine:  show off the gourmet cook in you

Your local paper has been publishing requests for recipes.  Delight readers by digging old recipes from grandma’s time and you could be a winning author!  Submit your recipe entry and keep your fingers crossed. 

Some women have “accidentally” started food and catering businesses because they weren’t shy about sharing an ingredient or two.  If you think your recipe deserves a Pillsbury prize or whatever other prize is being offered, don that apron and go for it!

Tip # 96  Environment

Is anyone paying attention to the Kyoto accords?  How does one NOT procrastinate in doing what’s good for the environment?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Write your municipal officials and encourage them to send our regular reminders to local residents that recycling boxes are available at city hall – for free.  Ask them to publish recommendations on the art of composting and how to filter through household waste.
• Take the initiative and sort out your garbage everyday.  Recycle whenever possible.
• If you have free time, offer your services for free to an environmental cause.  Communities organize spring clean-ups annually.  Give of your time.

Don’t procrastinate.  The environment needs you.  Help your children breathe cleaner, healthier air.

Tip # 97  Environment – river running dry?

Again, here’s where pen and paper can be powerful tools.  Don’t delay writing to your local officials about a factory or plant that is violating environmental regulations.  Report it to the authorities before the clouds become heavy with pollutants and the rivers run dry.

Tip # 98  Real estate:  property values – way, way up!

An individual was overheard saying in the café the other day that he’d never forgive himself for stalling in his decision to buy a piece of property that had everything – location, great low maintenance condition, reasonable price, recent renovations, etc. 

The owners, who didn’t really care about making a profit because they were going into a retirement facility shortly, were only asking for $200,000.00. 

By procrastinating, the individual missed out on the property because someone else – who was less of a procrastinator – grabbed it.  The property is now appraised at $450,000.00, up $250,000.00 from four years ago.  Now you know the truth - procrastination is an expensive mistake.

Tip # 99  Real estate:  clean up before the doorbell rings

Your real estate agent already warned you once before:  don’t wait until the last minute to clean up the yard and tidy up the house.  The open house is going to take place any day now.  You’ve put it off until the day before, and the cleaning up is taking longer than you thought. 

Next day, the doorbell rings, and the weeds were not pulled out, the shrubs not trimmed, the hallway not cleared of clutter, and the kitchen faucet is leaking.  The closets are unrecognizable.  The books on the shelves are covered in dust.  The flowers are wilting.  And you forgot to do this…and that…

The buyers said thank you anyway, and looked at another house.

Tip # 100      It’s your turn…

Calling all writers!  National newspapers usually allot a section to readers who want to try their hand at writing about a personal experience or about a how-to project that they can share with readers. 

You’ve always aspired to write, but you keep voicing out the same, tired excuse:  “I’m not feeling inspired,” or “I have writer’s block.”

Actually, accomplished writers all echo the same thing:  don’t wait for a flash of lightning to shake you out of the doldrums, or that writer’s block will go away and you’ll be churning out pages in no time.  The only time you’ll write is when you stop procrastinating and start typing words on your keyboard.  They don’t have to be eloquent at first, just type whatever comes to mind.

For writers, the opposite of procrastinating is warming up.  If you want to be a writer, you should take this very seriously.  One brilliant writer suggested that to warm up, she uses this trick and it works 99.9% of the time. 

Type a passage from a favorite author’s book.  Pretend you’re the one writing it.  Next, try to paraphrase it.  You don’t realize it but you’ve already started to write by putting your own words.  If you devote 30 minutes each day doing this exercise, you’ll be on your merry way to being a wordsmith!

Tip # 101      More on the writing life

Writing contests are abundant.  There are thousands in North America, more across the Pacific, and a whole lot more in Europe and Asia.  Most of these publishing entities have web sites wherein they advertise their monthly, quarterly and annual contests. 

If you don’t know what writing contests to enter, just type “writing contests” on any search engine and you’ll get all the information you need:  type of writing (mystery, non-fiction, poetry, novellas, flash fiction, etc), prize money, entry fee (if any), deadline and format required. 

If you started a story but never got around to finishing it, fish it out of your hard drive and finish it.  Don’t let the fear of rejection make you procrastinate.  “What if it’s not good enough?”  “What if I’m a lousy writer?” 

Heed this advice from Jeff Hermann (Writers’ Guide to Book Editors, Publishers and Literary Agents, 2000):  “In my experience, the most insurmountable walls are the ones in your heads.  No rejection is fatal until the writer walks away from the battle leaving the written work behind, undefended and unwanted.”

Continue to: Part 9: Conclusion

Avoiding Procrastination - Part 7: Self Improvement – A General Sense of Wellbeing

Tip # 74  Let’s get physical…

You’ve complained enough about your weight.  Your parents are tired of listening to you, and so are your friends.  It’s been a yo-yo, on and off, touch and go affair with the scale. 

You’re only 23 but you’re overweight by twice that number.  The doctor just said that you’re a likely candidate of diabetes if you don’t do something.  See which of these statements apply to you.

“I’d feel better if I lost weight because:

• I would like myself better.  I’d be happier about my physical appearance.
• If I learn to like myself, my friends and family would like me better too.  I’d be more positive about life, and I’d slowly build up my self-confidence.  These qualities attract people.
• I’d be more comfortable in my relationships with the opposite sex.  I would stop agonizing about what they’re thinking of me being such a fat slob.  I want them to think of me as attractive, and pleasant to be with.
• My doctor would stop nagging me.  My blood pressure, my cholesterol, and my blood sugar levels would be lower, and with some effort, I’d probably regain that old energy I had in my teens.
• My friends would respect me more and seek my opinion about their own problems.

The benefits are immeasurable.  If you stop procrastinating, you can enjoy these benefits today. 

Tip # 75  The gym can be a scary place

If you go to the gym frequently enough, you get used to seeing certain types: the fanatics, the confident and the driven. 

Then there are those who can’t look you in the eye – they’re attired in clothes that camouflage their size and their demeanor suggests they’re embarrassed about being in the gym at all.  They look miserable, move awkwardly, and are terrified of the machines. 

You were there once.  Don’t delay about giving them encouragement.  A simple, sincere smile would go a long way.  Don’t give advice; don’t offer to show them how a particular machine can be adjusted.  If you smile at them everyday, chances are by next week, they shall have mustered enough courage to ask you to help them figure out their fitness routine.  It works all the time!

Tip # 76  You’ve reached a plateau – at the gym

Even your fitness program needs re-hashing.  If you stick to the same routine for more than 6 weeks, and you’ve got fitness goals to achieve (stronger hamstrings as an example), then don’t let your shyness stand in your in achieving those goals. 

Get a fitness trainer to help you.  The essential thing about fitness is variety.  You can’t be doing the same exercises indefinitely without varying your routine. 

First, you could be less enthused doing those repetitive movements with the same muscle groups, and second, those muscles may get overworked to the point that they’re no longer reacting to your pushing and pulling. 

Don’t let a trainer intimidate you.  They’re always willing to discuss your goals - that’s what they’re trained and paid to do.  If you procrastinate, you may not learn the secrets to turning your biceps into the watermelons you want them to be.  They’ll remain the size of plums.

Tip # 77  Cosmetic surgery:  not a sin these days

Why should it be?  People have a right to change their appearance if it gives them more self-confidence, and less of an inferiority complex. 

If your long hooked nose has been bothering you for years and you can re-shape it safely, why not get a nose job done?  People do it all the time.  And even if half of them won’t admit, they’re suddenly looking wonderful.  And they’re happier, more radiant.  Don’t procrastinate.  Cosmetic surgery is NOTHING to be ashamed of.  Get a new nose, be nose-happy and nurse that bruised ego back to health.

Tip # 78     Did you make it to the list of 10 worst dressed this year?

It’s been ages since anyone complimented you on your wardrobe.  You walk along the office corridor and you notice people turn away. 

Perhaps you’re imagining it but they seem to be suppressing a giggle every time they see you.  Okay, you’ve never been vain about your appearance, but we’re not sure that’s exactly a good thing nowadays, especially if there’s so much press coverage about the oft-repeated concept of “dressing for success.”

Not sure you’re wearing 21^st century attire?  Not sure your make-up isn’t more appropriate for the circus? Not sure the colors match?  Do your shoes look like you haven’t stepped into a shoe store for the last 15 years?

If you procrastinate about seeing an image consultant, you may not even make it to the first step of the corporate ladder.  Your brains and experience got you this far.  Are you going to let your image set you back a few light years?  Don’t hesitate.  Image consultants would give anything to turn a project into a success.

Tip # 79  That turbulence inside…

Thank goodness for the 21^st century.  We have cosmetic surgeons, image consultants, and we also have…psychologists.  You sure deserve an “A” for appearance:  you’re the envy of your friends, the campus belle, and the office “beauty and brains” who’s loved, hated, loved.  Your ideas are imitated by management, your flawless complexion is making everyone curious about the night cream brand you use, and none of your muscles is out of place.  What’s even more aggravating is, in spite of your God-given gifts, you’re unpretentious and unassuming.

BUT –

That turbulence inside you is slowly becoming a full blown unstoppable thunderstorm.  It’s eroding your confidence, and your wounds remain uncared for. We all agree.  Emotional wounds take the longest to heal.  You need an expert who’ll come to the rescue.

That list of psychologists has been sitting inside your drawer for the last six months.  Staring at it won’t cure you.  Dial the first number on the list.  Ask to see a psychologist.  If you procrastinate some more, you may need more than a psychologist.  Psychiatrists have been also known to cure old, festering wounds.

Tip # 80     Avoiding procrastination means you don’t have to change your life radically

People procrastinate because they’re overwhelmed by the enormity of what they’re facing.  To stop procrastinating does not mean radically changing your life, or suddenly switching from one profession to another. 

As Carter and Sokol explain, “There is usually a reason why we chose the work we did, have the friends we do, and lead the lives we lead.  If you are like people, you don’t want a different life; you just want to be able to manage the one you have.”

Do bear one thing in mind.  The more you delay, the more dissatisfied you will be with your life.

Tip # 81  Stress:  either manage it or stay away from it

Many people have been known to suddenly wake up one day and decide they want out.  They walk away from 20-year marriages, break a childhood friendship and disengage from lifelong commitments. 

They decided it was better to walk away from a situation that was generating more stress than they could handle - a wise decision on their part, given that a few reports have zeroed in on it as a potential leading cause of cancer.

Give this simplistic equation a thought or two:  stress 4 indecision 4 more stress 4 procrastination 4 inaction 4 triple stress 4 illness!!

Tip # 82  If you decide to manage your stress…

You’ve heard the expression, “something’s got to give.”  If you wish to deal with your stress more effectively, you’ll have to cut back on some of your activities because you’ll need a reservoir of strength to confront that stress. 

But make a decision now about what you can give up, so that you’ll have some energy remaining for other challenges that come your way.  For instance, if you do volunteer work three times a week at the home for battered woman, how about diminishing the frequency to once a week. 

Your daughter who was being physically abused by her husband finally had the courage to pack her bags and leave him.  She’s now come to you for help and you know it will be a lengthy recovery period.  Charity begins at home.  Don’t create two different sources of stress.  Decide which is more important and take action.

Tip # 83  “My name is Tess, and I’m an alcoholic”

Alcoholism is a SERIOUS problem, no two ways about it.  And it can be criminal, if you drink and drive and hit someone.  If you’re drinking everyday and you’re feeling helpless and desperate, and these feelings are leading you to drink more, you need help.  Don’t delay.   There are humanitarian organizations in your community that will provide referrals.  Or go on the Net and begin your research into recovery.

Tip # 84     “Hi, my name is Ted…no sorry…it’s J…J…Jed…and I’m on drugs.”

Drugs are bad news.  You could destroy not only your future, but also your family’s future.  Drug rehabilitation clinics have mushroomed all over the country.  That’s why you’re not alone, and that’s the good news. 

Stop procrastinating and see a drug counselor in school, or ask for your doctor’s advice about where you can go.  It’s best to invest in drug rehabilitation now than to squander your lifetime savings on a never-ending need for drugs.  Don’t procrastinate in withdrawing – and this isn’t a contradiction of terms.  We just want to say, don’t delay about getting treatment.  You’ll suffer from withdrawal symptoms at first, but they’re only temporary.

Tip # 85  And then there was light…

You’ve tried everything – plan A, plan B.  This option, that option.  You’ve taken detours…short-cuts.  Even dabbled in medieval art, of all things.  A solution is nowhere to be found.  Your life is one shattered mess and you’re feeding on the splinters.  Yours is a “life of quiet desperation,” as one famous writer once said.

There’s one person in your entourage that you’ve forgotten:  your parish priest.  The reverend Jesuit, the Chief Rabbi, and the Holy Iman – whatever religion you were born or converted into – never procrastinate in getting that much needed spiritual guidance. 

Your problems may be your wake up call to the fact that you’re spiritually devoid and empty.  Spiritual leaders rejoice and give thanks whenever one of their prodigal sons returns to the fold.  Don’t wait until you plunge into complete darkness.  There’s one flickering candle left.  Grab it and find your way out of the dark hole.

Continue to: Part 8: Bonus tips

Avoiding Procrastination - Part 6: Procrastination and Human Relationships

Tip # 63  Okay, so you’re not impulsive but…

“I want to think things more.  I don’t want to hurt him.”  How many times have we heard that before?  Men and women say they don’t want to do anything – especially end a relationship – impulsively. 

The problem is, you’re the problem.  Admit it.  The relationship’s been going downhill for the last 12 months.  You’ve craved for freedom frequently, but you still can’t get to tell your mate that love’s gone out the window. 

Stop pretending that you need to think things through.  No matter how you analyze it, it all boils down to the same thing:  time to move on.  Here are examples of what your procrastination causes:

• You deprive yourself of the mental freedom you need to concentrate on other aspects of your life,
• You deprive yourself of the opportunity to meet other people who share your interests and with whom you can have a meaningful relationship,
• You deprive your mate of the truth about how you feel
• You deprive your mate of the opportunity to meeting other people,
• You deprive your mate and yourself of the chance to find happiness again.

Just muster up the courage and say it.  Time heals all wounds.

Tip # 64  It’s not what you say, it’s HOW you say it

No one says ending a relationship is easy.  There have been documented accounts of people turning suicidal after a break-up, separation or divorce.  They fall into a depression, and a few are unable to come out of it whole and able to trust again. 

But if you procrastinate because you’re worried about the aftermath, you’ll only be doing the other person a disservice.  Talk to your mate when you have full rein of your emotions. 

Yes, honesty is still the best policy but this is where you’ll have to optimize on your diplomat’s skills.  Choose your words, and dwell on the positive.  Convince her that both of you would be better off with somebody else.  Offer to remain friends so the transition is not emotionally devastating.

Tip # 65     Married to your work?  Or just procrastinating in the dating game?

In Lives Without Balance, Steven Carter and Judith Sokol (Villard Books, 1992) discuss the phenomenon of confirmed bachelors, male and female.

Striking a balance between work and play is still considered the ideal, no matter how sacred you think the work ethic is:  “By now if you are unattached, it’s probably overwhelmingly apparent that your lifestyle is not conducive to finding or forming a solid relationship.  Whether you’re male or female, you are simply so involved in your work that you don’t have the necessary time or energy for dating…Yet you ache for a relationship.

Is procrastination barring you from a meaningful relationship?

Tip # 66  Father / mother issues?

One of the worst kinds of procrastination is when you carry resentment from childhood into adolescence and into adulthood.  Here you are in your 40’s and that childhood resentment is still brewing inside you.  All these years you’ve allowed it to grow into a cancer because you won’t deal with it. 

Don’t let your procrastination erode any love that’s left. If you’re angry about something, speak up.  If they explained their side, perhaps that resentment may just whittle away, and you’ll only berate for yourself for making a mountain out of a molehill.  You can’t continue blaming your parents for your misfortunes.

Tip # 67  And with your siblings…

Don’t procrastinate either.  Instead of putting off a project in which your older sister asked you for help, why not just tell her in a straightforward manner that you don’t have time to spare because of your school work and other commitments.  Tell her now and not later.  That way you avoid any friction.

Tip # 68  Aunt Mable means well, but…

Everyone has a doting aunt.  They think the world of us and would give us anything in the world to make us happy – including their used make-up kits, clothes and handbags.  The generational divide in fashion tastes though is too apparent to ignore. 

Don’t postpone telling your aunt Mable that you don’t want her fire engine red lipstick, her roaring 20’s dinner gown and her leopard skin handbag.  If you don’t tell her now, she’ll shower you with more undesirable gifts.  And remember what we said earlier about clutter.  The procrastinating monster rears its ugly head in between the dark recesses of your closet that’s looking more like a huge wasteland.

Tip #69   “Come with me shopping…”

Or “let’s go see a movie.”  “Let’s bar hop tonight.”  “Can you go with me to this concert?”  “Join me for dinner at my step mother’s.  I don’t want to be alone with her.” 

Do you have friends who seem to want to include you in all – and we mean all – of their activities?  Is it their constant need for company, or simply a case of not having a backbone?  If you’re not capable of a firm but polite no, you’ll receive a lot more invitations you can handle. 

Friendships have to be nurtured, but this is overkill.  Shed off your procrastination habits and tell your friend politely you can’t go out with her anymore.  She’ll survive.  Or she can find someone else to drag along.

Tip # 70  Butt out of my kitchen! 

One woman was lamenting the fact that her mother-in-law always seems to drop in around the time she’s preparing dinner for her husband. 

This woman endured her mother-in-law’s unwelcome visits – not to mention her acerbic words - for six months, but feels she’s come to the end of her rope. 

The woman told us, “She says things like, my dear Albert (that’s my husband) would much rather pepper his steak than salt it.  One day, I had worked so hard on this trifle, and she said, oh dear, I don’t think he’s too fond of British dessert; he has a weakness though for French pastries.  I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.”

If the woman is as smart in the human relationships department as she is in the kitchen, she’ll know how to deal with her mother-in-law.  But she better take action now or she’ll end up soaking her in a pot of scalding soup!

Tip # 71  If there’s a will, there’s a way

We’re not referring here to the will to do something.  We’re talking about a real Will – as in Last Will and Testament.  Your father is dying and is about to sign his last will. 

You also know that he is going to leave a larger part of his estate to your older brother being the eldest child.  And here’s the painful part. 

You know that your older brother has been arrested a few times for gambling debts and credit card fraud.  The family kept this secret from your father because of his illness.  For the last five years, you’ve been arguing with your brothers and sisters to tell your father about your brother’s predicament, but they did not want him to worry unnecessarily. 

If you procrastinate and the Will is signed and then your father passes away, your inaction is tantamount to squandering your father’s hard-earned money.  Worse, your brother’s situations will deteriorate further. You give a chronic gambler more money, what do you really think he’s going to do with it?

Tip # 72  Aging sick parents need just a bit of your time

Your parents have lost their autonomy and are in a home for the aged.  Have you been to one of these places lately?  Old sick people can’t move around anymore and are confined to their wheelchairs all day long. 

You see the look on their faces – the look that says they could use some company, need to be read to, or need someone to just listen to their troubles.  Sons and daughters with families of their own and who lead hectic lives come less often, a few have stopped coming.  Think what a pity it would be if you procrastinated in visiting.

Tip # 73  Health is wealth and many more

Health conditions need immediate attention.  Don’t procrastinate in seeing a doctor to have the following checked:  growths, tumors, change in appetite, consistent chest pain, numbness that doesn’t go away, frequent dizziness, irregular bowel movement, loss of appetite, depression, blood in your stool, persistent coughing, unusual changes in the skin, or a general feeling of being unwell. 

Continue to: Part 7: Self Improvement – A General Sense of Wellbeing